you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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