My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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