It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
