That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
