Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
