I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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