Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
