You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
