I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
