We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
