Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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