$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
