I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
