tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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