i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
