Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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