we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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