Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
