yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
