That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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