I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
