Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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