listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
