I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
That's intense
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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