He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Everything about him screamed your future.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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