just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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