Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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