I murdered the dance floor call the cops
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
