I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
