i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
