Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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