Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
