I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
