that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
