I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
