i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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