White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
