It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
