I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
