I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
