piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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