Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
