Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
