a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
