is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
