No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
