Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
