Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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