My sheets look like a crime scene.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
