we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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