Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
