Soap is not a condiment
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
