Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
