just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize