I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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