Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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