ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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