So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
