My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
