I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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