My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
