I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
