I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My ass is underappreciated
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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