how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
