Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
