i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
