sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
