forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
