i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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