If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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