Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
