I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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