I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
