i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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