did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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