she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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