I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Barsexuality is the new black.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
